Talking Dirty: How to Have Those Awkward Sex Talks
Sex should be fun, right? So why do conversations with your partner(s) about sex often feel like pulling teeth?
Whether you're discussing boundaries, exploring new ideas, or simply trying to keep the spark alive, open communication is essential.
This guide will help you navigate those sometimes-tricky conversations with ease and confidence so you can spend less time worrying and more time enjoying.
Here are seven tips to help you navigate those tricky conversations:
1. Choose the Right Time and Place
Find a Comfortable Setting: Avoid these conversations when you're tired, stressed, or distracted. Choose a relaxed and private space where you both feel comfortable and safe.
Signal Your Intent: A simple, "Hey, there's something I'd like to talk about," can help your partner(s) mentally prepare for the conversation.
2. Start with "I" Statements
Focus on Your Feelings: Instead of blaming or accusing, use "I" statements to express your needs and concerns. For example, "I feel uncomfortable when..." or "I would really enjoy it if..." No one can tell you how or what you’re feeling!
Avoid "You" Statements: Phrases like "You always..." or "You never..." can put your partner(s) on the defensive and shut down communication.
3. Active Listening is Key
Truly Hear Them Out: Pay attention to what your partner(s) is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective, likes, and dislikes. You might learn something you didn’t know before.
Validate Their Feelings: Let your partner(s) know that you hear and acknowledge their emotions, even if you don't agree with them. You don’t have to agree on everything—except maybe where to eat out for dinner.
4. Be Respectful and Empathetic
Put Yourself in Their Shoes (or maybe just their head): Try to understand their point of view and why they might be feeling a little... spicy about certain topics.
Avoid Judgment: Create a safe space for open and honest communication by refraining from criticism or judgment. Let them speak their mind without feeling like they're walking on eggshells.
5. Focus on Solutions
Brainstorm Together: Work as a team to find solutions that work for both of you. Be open to compromising and finding creative ways to meet each other's needs. Remember, teamwork makes the dream work (and hopefully, the bedroom work too).
Start Small: If a big conversation feels overwhelming, begin with smaller, less intimidating topics. Even the smallest actions are a step in the right direction.
6. Remember to Check In
Regularly Discuss Your Needs: Make it a habit to check in with each other about your sexual needs and desires. Think of it as a sexy performance review, but hopefully with better results.
Revisit the Conversation: Stay patient, understanding, and open to changes. If you're still struggling, don't hesitate to revisit the conversation later — maybe when everyone is a little cooled off.
7. Seek Professional Help If Needed
Consider Therapy: If you're having ongoing difficulties communicating about sex, a therapist can provide guidance and support. Even the most loving relationships sometimes need outside help. A therapist offers a safe and neutral space to work through communication challenges and find ways to reignite the spark.
Important Note: Communication about sex should always be consensual and respectful. If you or your partner(s) feel uncomfortable or pressured at any point, it's okay to stop the conversation and revisit it later.
By Kim Berrio
